Thursday, September 19, 2013

Freedom



Riding BIG and low... The fat lady is free!
If you know me at all, you know I can be pretty type A... Knocking out a to-do list brings me joy. So bedrest was kind of killer on my emotions. Not only could I not do anything around the house to help my family, I was constantly feeling sorry for my 3 year old who was bored out of her mind. I really couldn't have imagined how hard it would be until I had to do it. I felt bad not getting up, but I felt even worse getting up and worrying I was going to put my other kid in harms way. It was probably harder than the 4 months of puking until I wished I was dead that started this pregnancy, which is saying something. I don't know how people survive doing it for months on end. 5 weeks felt like forever.
I'm so grateful I had great people around who were willing to help. The biggest thing was just getting Lorelai out of the house so she could get some of her (abundant) energy out. When your 3 year old asks to go to the park and you have to say no, trying to explain but knowing she doesn't get why... It kind of makes you want to cry. So so so glad it's over. And so so glad little Mann stuck with me.
They aren't trying to stop my labor anymore so baby boy will come when he pleases. I'm still taking it easy as I really want to have as much time with him in my belly as I can. But I'm no longer feeling agoraphobic- I can go to the park. I can go stroll around target!
Soon enough he will be here and all this craziness will be forgotten. Icky memories will be replaced with smiles and coos and that perfect heaven smell that only newborns have. And it'll all be more than worth it.
Xxxx
KM

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Round 2



That picture is awful and I just don't care. We hadn't slept in 48 hours and I was so swollen I looked slightly Asian but it was the greatest of great days.

We became parents. I became a mother. I had no idea what I was doing (I still don't) but I knew that it was all I could ever want.

And now she's so big. I love everything about this picture. It makes me laugh and cry happy tears. She's perfect in every sense of the word. And I had to take a picture of her first day of dance class from my bed because I'm not allowed to get out of it but she stood against the wall like a champ and let me snap a picture. And I've been looking at it nonstop since. She's so big and so small. I'm so grateful I get to be that angel's mama.
Im actually excited to start all over again. Newborn baby, sleepless nights, new learning curve. Because I don't think I ever really knew who I was until I was that girls mother. And I can't imagine how my heart will grow and how much joy ill feel when I get to hold my tiny Mann for the first time.
Xx
KM

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Bed rest



The last few weeks have been crazy. It started with just a lot of strong Braxton hicks and other details you don't want to hear about starting at about 29 weeks... Then come to find out I was at risk for preterm labor. You probably don't really wanna read about my cervix ;) but needless to say, my body was gearing up for delivery way too early... So I got medicine to stop the contractions, steroids for baby's lungs, and started my lovely bedrest. And the anxiety commenced. But things only escalated until I was full on getting contractions every night. Finally succumbed and went to labor and delivery one night after having given the medicine 2 hours to stop the contractions and it failing me, only to find out I was having full blown labor contractions (only 33 weeks at this point) and the contractions were coming every 3-5 minutes. They were able to stop the contractions with 3 shots but I just kept thinking... How long does this last? Am I going to go into labor tomorrow night too?
Then the news that I had a kidney infection and it was so awful I must have had it for quite some time. Which made sense because I had pretty much been feeling like crap for quite some time... but it was also GREAT! A cause- an answer! A possible fix to all this madness!
Two rounds of injected antibiotics and then a week of oral antibiotics and my contractions have all but gone. Have to stay on bedrest because they're nervous the baby will still come early since my body is seemingly ready to go but I hope I'll make it all the way now that the real culprit has been taken care of. 6 more weeks and I'll have a son. I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I'd say I can't wait but I don't want to give him any ideas ;)
Xx
KM