Monday, October 28, 2013

5 year anniversary

Amidst the madness of early labor, our anniversary got slightly overlooked this year. Chris planned out an incredible date that ended with reservations at the Grand America, but I got put on bed rest and everything got canceled. We were lucky enough to have one last date night and cracked up as we talked about what we wanted to do... "lets go eat a bunch of delicious food, buy each other a present, and go to sleep early."

We bought each other sweatpants. It wasnt intentional, it was just what we both ended up wanting... lol. We ate great food and just walked around holding hands and timing contractions and snorting and crying because we were laughing so hard. 

He really is my best friend.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Owen's birth day

After weeks of bed rest I was thought that the day I was released from it and started moving around, our boy would come. Turns out I was wrong (never been so happy about that!) and he waited until just 3 days before his due date. About 12 hours of active labor (I had days and days of early labor with him) and just 15 or so minutes of pushing and his daddy brought him out into the world and onto my chest.

Lorelai was looking forward to being Owen's fairy godmother so we got her wings and a wand... it was a magical little moment to see her face as we brought them out. She has been watching over him quite tenaciously since. "Mama if he cries wah wah then you rock him. And if he's hungry then feed him. Make sure you be gentle to him. Make sure you take good care of my baby."

I pumped just enough for Lorelai to get to feed him from a bottle this morning. She was so excited. She fed him the little bit and instinctively wiped his mouth with a burp cloth. She's my little helper and he couldn't be luckier to have her. He's a big ol' chunk like Lorelai was but he has a far bigger head... 90th percentile. And yet no episiotomy this time. I credit my CNM for that. He seems so far to be a really easy going baby and a BIG TIME snuggler... which is a big change from my independent lady. 

This is pure joy. My boobs are giant rocks and other unsavory details but I truly truly couldn't care less. I'm like stupid happy. Delirious euphoric silly happy. Slightly afraid for my husband to go back to work but thats a worry for another day ;) today i'm going to kiss my yummy baby and play with play dough with my lady and her papa.


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Número uno

Today was one of those days that started off bad... I didn't hardly sleep at all last night and Lorelai woke up in a "lets go go go!" kind of mood so the morning was rough. I thought I'd take her to the park so I could just sit and let her get some energy out... but it's been drizzling for what seems like the entire day. We got in an argument and my firecracker stomped her foot and shouted no so she got sent to her room to cool down. I went to her door and heard "I'm sorry mommy." I laid down next to her on the floor and we just snuggled and talked for a bit under her big blanket. About how it's hard that mommy is tired a lot. How its been hard with mommy throwing up and being in bed for weeks and how she has already been such a good help and a great big sister. She kissed my nose and told me she loved me.

We made Rice Krispie treats and she ate too many marshmallows. We watched the rain from the balcony and laughed about nothing.

But of course she wasn't satisfied with watching the rain from indoors. Not this wild flower. She stomped in puddles until she was freezing but I still had to bribe her to leave with a warm bubble bath.

This is my life's work, grinning from amidst the bubbles. Her belief in her ability to say no, the way she tells people she is brave and knows its true, the fact that she already knows she wants to marry a boy like daddy. That's what I do all day long. Along with rough mornings, tantrums, ironing and scrubbing the toilets. It's hard work and it will never be glamorous but I will also never love a job more. Even if I pursue a career sometime in the future when my kids are grown, it will never feel as fulfilling as this- laughing and crying and figuring it out with her.

Soon there will be 2 and I'm convinced ill have a moment much like the grinch where my heart feels like its bursting as it triples in size. Can't imagine the madness and love and NEW we are about to experience but ever so grateful we get to do it. I haven't changed a diaper in 2 years so here's to learning how to do this parent thing all over again.

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Riding BIG and low... The fat lady is free!
If you know me at all, you know I can be pretty type A... Knocking out a to-do list brings me joy. So bedrest was kind of killer on my emotions. Not only could I not do anything around the house to help my family, I was constantly feeling sorry for my 3 year old who was bored out of her mind. I really couldn't have imagined how hard it would be until I had to do it. I felt bad not getting up, but I felt even worse getting up and worrying I was going to put my other kid in harms way. It was probably harder than the 4 months of puking until I wished I was dead that started this pregnancy, which is saying something. I don't know how people survive doing it for months on end. 5 weeks felt like forever.
I'm so grateful I had great people around who were willing to help. The biggest thing was just getting Lorelai out of the house so she could get some of her (abundant) energy out. When your 3 year old asks to go to the park and you have to say no, trying to explain but knowing she doesn't get why... It kind of makes you want to cry. So so so glad it's over. And so so glad little Mann stuck with me.
They aren't trying to stop my labor anymore so baby boy will come when he pleases. I'm still taking it easy as I really want to have as much time with him in my belly as I can. But I'm no longer feeling agoraphobic- I can go to the park. I can go stroll around target!
Soon enough he will be here and all this craziness will be forgotten. Icky memories will be replaced with smiles and coos and that perfect heaven smell that only newborns have. And it'll all be more than worth it.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Round 2

That picture is awful and I just don't care. We hadn't slept in 48 hours and I was so swollen I looked slightly Asian but it was the greatest of great days.

We became parents. I became a mother. I had no idea what I was doing (I still don't) but I knew that it was all I could ever want.

And now she's so big. I love everything about this picture. It makes me laugh and cry happy tears. She's perfect in every sense of the word. And I had to take a picture of her first day of dance class from my bed because I'm not allowed to get out of it but she stood against the wall like a champ and let me snap a picture. And I've been looking at it nonstop since. She's so big and so small. I'm so grateful I get to be that angel's mama.
Im actually excited to start all over again. Newborn baby, sleepless nights, new learning curve. Because I don't think I ever really knew who I was until I was that girls mother. And I can't imagine how my heart will grow and how much joy ill feel when I get to hold my tiny Mann for the first time.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Bed rest

The last few weeks have been crazy. It started with just a lot of strong Braxton hicks and other details you don't want to hear about starting at about 29 weeks... Then come to find out I was at risk for preterm labor. You probably don't really wanna read about my cervix ;) but needless to say, my body was gearing up for delivery way too early... So I got medicine to stop the contractions, steroids for baby's lungs, and started my lovely bedrest. And the anxiety commenced. But things only escalated until I was full on getting contractions every night. Finally succumbed and went to labor and delivery one night after having given the medicine 2 hours to stop the contractions and it failing me, only to find out I was having full blown labor contractions (only 33 weeks at this point) and the contractions were coming every 3-5 minutes. They were able to stop the contractions with 3 shots but I just kept thinking... How long does this last? Am I going to go into labor tomorrow night too?
Then the news that I had a kidney infection and it was so awful I must have had it for quite some time. Which made sense because I had pretty much been feeling like crap for quite some time... but it was also GREAT! A cause- an answer! A possible fix to all this madness!
Two rounds of injected antibiotics and then a week of oral antibiotics and my contractions have all but gone. Have to stay on bedrest because they're nervous the baby will still come early since my body is seemingly ready to go but I hope I'll make it all the way now that the real culprit has been taken care of. 6 more weeks and I'll have a son. I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I'd say I can't wait but I don't want to give him any ideas ;)

Saturday, August 17, 2013


9 weeks left of this pregnancy stuff and I'm at the stage where I'm uncomfortable enough to need fairly constant distraction. Thankfully Lorelai provides plenty. We have been having so much fun and I'm grateful for our one on one time since soon we will be a party of 3 all day.

When we wake up lorelai asks if we can go on an adventure... thats what she is calling our new dates together. We did this over the course of a couple days and she has been asking to do it again pretty much every day since- the shape adventure, circle style!
We read books about circles from the library and then went out in search of them.

Her magnifying glass has become a prized possession.

Of all the places we looked (our house, the park, the mall...) she had the most fun in Walmart. We probably spent 10 minutes in the button aisle.

I was impressed she pointed out the carousel as a circle! Id walked right by it. Just shows you how much adulthood kills your creativity ;)

Then circle art which quickly became very messy hand art because why not?

And a circle treat. She had a lot of fun mixing the dough and rolling the balls in cinnamon sugar. I had fun eating pretty much all of them myself... I know that whole "eating for 2" thing is kind of bogus as he's like less than 4 pounds right now but I dare you to try to take away my sugar when I'm pregnant. It's slightly more dangerous than trying to steal food from a shark. Don't mess with the fat lady.

Also this:

Because pancakes are much better with strawberries and whipped cream eyebrows.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I am not one of those people that loves being pregnant. I wish I was. I think it's so cool! From an objective standpoint I can appreciate that it is really a miracle and an incredibly beautiful process. But when I am actually lucky enough to be doing it myself, I cannot wait to be done. I feel sick and uncomfortable in an exclusively constant kind of way. I feel like I am just barely recovering from the flu, all the time... I am SO tired and just feel yuck. And that's after the first 4 months of extreme sickness where I really feel like death. My husband has a hard time with it. I get that. It's hard to go through but it would be really hard to just sit around and watch someone you love in pain and know you provoked it on purpose and there's nothing you can do to help.
But we always come back to this- Lorelai! What would my life be without her?! I am so grateful to be her mom and have her around every day to make things silly and fun. She is my best girlfriend.

(Yeah I sit in the handicapped seats at the movie theater... Pregnancy is totally a disability when no body else is in a wheelchair haha)

"Mama this movie is scary. Can I hold your hand?"

So 9 months of blehhhhhh doesn't sound like much when you get forever with your new soon to be best friend. I can't wait to squish pudgy cheeks and smooch little lips. The day I got married I thought I'd fallen in love with the last boy... Turns out ill get to fall all over again. I'm one lucky lady.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Big sis

This girl... she is the silliest, sweetest, strongest chick I know. She is the focus of my days and takes over my thoughts at night.

She's madly in love with her papa. As much as I'd love to think we are BFFs there is no getting between her and Dad when he gets home from work. Going to dinner ends up feeling like a date I decided to be the awkward 3rd wheel on. I wouldn't have it any other way. 3 more months and it'll be a double date!

Soon there are going to be 4 piggies in this household. I can't wait to see Lorelai with baby boy. She is already trying so hard to be a good big sis. She will tell me to have a rest when I start to look worn out or sick. She gives my belly a kiss and a snuggle before bed every night. She will put her little hand on my tummy and wait for kicks, all while talking to him and singing him songs. I hope she likes him as much once he is on the outside... Haha. He is a lucky kid to have her as a big sis.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Well hello there....

I suck at blogging. It's hard. I like to ditch time wasters so I said goodbye for a LONG time. Then I got on one day to read a particular friends post and started taking a look at my own. Turns out I forgot like 90% of what I wrote. I started thinking to myself "Oh I'm so glad I was blogging when I was first married and pregnant and had a newborn! I would have lost all of those memories!" I guess it's like having a diary. So I got a better app and I'm gonna give it another go, knowing full well that I will be extremely inconsistent but that I will be glad I wrote down some stuff at some point in the future.
Look at me making peace with blogger.

I digress... I'm 2/3 of the way done with this pregnancy and of course little mister is measuring big for dates.

Remember this perfect not-so-little monster? Hoping for at least 9 1/2 lbs this time... Kidding, sort of. Chris was 10 so basically I'm afraid for my life. But truthfully when it comes to babies, the chunkier the better. Bring it on. I just really want a mini chris. Isn't he just the cutest little freckle face? Gimme gimme.

Life is so good. Pregnancy is hard but so is everything worth doing. And at the end of the day I am not thinking about the backache or the blahhhhh... I'm stacked in a mound of pillows holding my belly and smiling at every kick and punch. I find myself wondering about this little bub... being pregnant with a boy is bizarre. Whats he going to be like? Is he going to be completely chill? Or a bundle of energy? Will he cuddle me? Or be completely independent? Mostly I just want to hear him laugh. Baby laughs are just about my favorite thing ever. Guffa? Giggle? Squeak? Snort? I seriously can't wait.

I really like Utah which is weird. But if there is anything I've learned in the last few years it's that happiness is in the details. It's in the good food and the family time and the spontaneous fun.

These guys are the coolest. I can't wait to add another Mann to the brood. A man Mann. The Mann's man. Our last name has provided me with endless material.