Friday, July 9, 2010

anxiety

Its 9:45 pm and here I sit... listening desperately to the baby monitor.

Around 3 weeks old I started putting Lorelai in her big girl crib for naps during the day just to feel out how she would react. Well, much to my dismay, she seemed to find no difference between her crib and bassinet. I should be happy right? I should enjoy the fact that the transition will likely be a not very difficult one... but i'm not happy. I'm anxious.

I keep thinking that someone will crawl through her window in the middle of the night and take her and i wont even know until the morning. Or that a huge spider will crawl on her and bite her. Or that she'll be too cold or too hot or feel like i've abandoned her. Does she feel lonely? Discarded?

Or is it me thats lonely?

So tonight is the first night of many that i will be anxiously awaiting her cry on the monitor. I know its whats best for her... that she will sleep more soundly without me hovering above her and without the noise of us in the room tossing and turning in our sleep. I know that this anxiety is unnecessary and over the top. But I cant help it. I love that little ball of fat so much it hurts. So she'll sleep in her big girl bed this weekend... i'm not making any promises after that.

1 comment:

  1. I was so the same way, and when Kay is sick, I am still that way, and every noise she makes at night wakes me up....sorry, it's not fun, hopefully you are able to get some sleep still thought!

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