Monday, February 10, 2014

First snow

I can't believe it's almost Valentines day. It's really so unfair that pregnancies seem to stretch on forever but the first few precious months of a baby's life fly right on by.

I found myself looking at pictures of when Owen was so so so fresh to the world and getting broody. What?! He's not even 4 months and I'm already missing his babyness?!?? I'm too sentimental really. I just want to capture it all and enjoy every second of every stage.

These pictures contain such a happy memory. The first snow this year came out of nowhere. We just woke up to a winter wonderland. So we threw on our snow clothes and ran outside before we even had breakfast so papa could play for a bit before heading off to work.


Monday, October 28, 2013

5 year anniversary

Amidst the madness of early labor, our anniversary got slightly overlooked this year. Chris planned out an incredible date that ended with reservations at the Grand America, but I got put on bed rest and everything got canceled. We were lucky enough to have one last date night and cracked up as we talked about what we wanted to do... "lets go eat a bunch of delicious food, buy each other a present, and go to sleep early."

We bought each other sweatpants. It wasnt intentional, it was just what we both ended up wanting... lol. We ate great food and just walked around holding hands and timing contractions and snorting and crying because we were laughing so hard. 

He really is my best friend.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Owen's birth day

After weeks of bed rest I was thought that the day I was released from it and started moving around, our boy would come. Turns out I was wrong (never been so happy about that!) and he waited until just 3 days before his due date. About 12 hours of active labor (I had days and days of early labor with him) and just 15 or so minutes of pushing and his daddy brought him out into the world and onto my chest.

Lorelai was looking forward to being Owen's fairy godmother so we got her wings and a wand... it was a magical little moment to see her face as we brought them out. She has been watching over him quite tenaciously since. "Mama if he cries wah wah then you rock him. And if he's hungry then feed him. Make sure you be gentle to him. Make sure you take good care of my baby."

I pumped just enough for Lorelai to get to feed him from a bottle this morning. She was so excited. She fed him the little bit and instinctively wiped his mouth with a burp cloth. She's my little helper and he couldn't be luckier to have her. He's a big ol' chunk like Lorelai was but he has a far bigger head... 90th percentile. And yet no episiotomy this time. I credit my CNM for that. He seems so far to be a really easy going baby and a BIG TIME snuggler... which is a big change from my independent lady. 

This is pure joy. My boobs are giant rocks and other unsavory details but I truly truly couldn't care less. I'm like stupid happy. Delirious euphoric silly happy. Slightly afraid for my husband to go back to work but thats a worry for another day ;) today i'm going to kiss my yummy baby and play with play dough with my lady and her papa.


Thursday, October 10, 2013

NĂºmero uno

Today was one of those days that started off bad... I didn't hardly sleep at all last night and Lorelai woke up in a "lets go go go!" kind of mood so the morning was rough. I thought I'd take her to the park so I could just sit and let her get some energy out... but it's been drizzling for what seems like the entire day. We got in an argument and my firecracker stomped her foot and shouted no so she got sent to her room to cool down. I went to her door and heard "I'm sorry mommy." I laid down next to her on the floor and we just snuggled and talked for a bit under her big blanket. About how it's hard that mommy is tired a lot. How its been hard with mommy throwing up and being in bed for weeks and how she has already been such a good help and a great big sister. She kissed my nose and told me she loved me.

We made Rice Krispie treats and she ate too many marshmallows. We watched the rain from the balcony and laughed about nothing.

But of course she wasn't satisfied with watching the rain from indoors. Not this wild flower. She stomped in puddles until she was freezing but I still had to bribe her to leave with a warm bubble bath.

This is my life's work, grinning from amidst the bubbles. Her belief in her ability to say no, the way she tells people she is brave and knows its true, the fact that she already knows she wants to marry a boy like daddy. That's what I do all day long. Along with rough mornings, tantrums, ironing and scrubbing the toilets. It's hard work and it will never be glamorous but I will also never love a job more. Even if I pursue a career sometime in the future when my kids are grown, it will never feel as fulfilling as this- laughing and crying and figuring it out with her.

Soon there will be 2 and I'm convinced ill have a moment much like the grinch where my heart feels like its bursting as it triples in size. Can't imagine the madness and love and NEW we are about to experience but ever so grateful we get to do it. I haven't changed a diaper in 2 years so here's to learning how to do this parent thing all over again.

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Riding BIG and low... The fat lady is free!
If you know me at all, you know I can be pretty type A... Knocking out a to-do list brings me joy. So bedrest was kind of killer on my emotions. Not only could I not do anything around the house to help my family, I was constantly feeling sorry for my 3 year old who was bored out of her mind. I really couldn't have imagined how hard it would be until I had to do it. I felt bad not getting up, but I felt even worse getting up and worrying I was going to put my other kid in harms way. It was probably harder than the 4 months of puking until I wished I was dead that started this pregnancy, which is saying something. I don't know how people survive doing it for months on end. 5 weeks felt like forever.
I'm so grateful I had great people around who were willing to help. The biggest thing was just getting Lorelai out of the house so she could get some of her (abundant) energy out. When your 3 year old asks to go to the park and you have to say no, trying to explain but knowing she doesn't get why... It kind of makes you want to cry. So so so glad it's over. And so so glad little Mann stuck with me.
They aren't trying to stop my labor anymore so baby boy will come when he pleases. I'm still taking it easy as I really want to have as much time with him in my belly as I can. But I'm no longer feeling agoraphobic- I can go to the park. I can go stroll around target!
Soon enough he will be here and all this craziness will be forgotten. Icky memories will be replaced with smiles and coos and that perfect heaven smell that only newborns have. And it'll all be more than worth it.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Round 2

That picture is awful and I just don't care. We hadn't slept in 48 hours and I was so swollen I looked slightly Asian but it was the greatest of great days.

We became parents. I became a mother. I had no idea what I was doing (I still don't) but I knew that it was all I could ever want.

And now she's so big. I love everything about this picture. It makes me laugh and cry happy tears. She's perfect in every sense of the word. And I had to take a picture of her first day of dance class from my bed because I'm not allowed to get out of it but she stood against the wall like a champ and let me snap a picture. And I've been looking at it nonstop since. She's so big and so small. I'm so grateful I get to be that angel's mama.
Im actually excited to start all over again. Newborn baby, sleepless nights, new learning curve. Because I don't think I ever really knew who I was until I was that girls mother. And I can't imagine how my heart will grow and how much joy ill feel when I get to hold my tiny Mann for the first time.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Bed rest

The last few weeks have been crazy. It started with just a lot of strong Braxton hicks and other details you don't want to hear about starting at about 29 weeks... Then come to find out I was at risk for preterm labor. You probably don't really wanna read about my cervix ;) but needless to say, my body was gearing up for delivery way too early... So I got medicine to stop the contractions, steroids for baby's lungs, and started my lovely bedrest. And the anxiety commenced. But things only escalated until I was full on getting contractions every night. Finally succumbed and went to labor and delivery one night after having given the medicine 2 hours to stop the contractions and it failing me, only to find out I was having full blown labor contractions (only 33 weeks at this point) and the contractions were coming every 3-5 minutes. They were able to stop the contractions with 3 shots but I just kept thinking... How long does this last? Am I going to go into labor tomorrow night too?
Then the news that I had a kidney infection and it was so awful I must have had it for quite some time. Which made sense because I had pretty much been feeling like crap for quite some time... but it was also GREAT! A cause- an answer! A possible fix to all this madness!
Two rounds of injected antibiotics and then a week of oral antibiotics and my contractions have all but gone. Have to stay on bedrest because they're nervous the baby will still come early since my body is seemingly ready to go but I hope I'll make it all the way now that the real culprit has been taken care of. 6 more weeks and I'll have a son. I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I'd say I can't wait but I don't want to give him any ideas ;)